So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
there is puke in my bra ... again
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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