Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
