just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
