It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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