the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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