There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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