i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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