I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
How external is "for external use only"?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize