Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
