We're like a lot better than the average bears
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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