I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
as a side note pls kill me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
