I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
