considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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