If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize