Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
