He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
