I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
