I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
