i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
