Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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