it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
