Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
