just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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