dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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