Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
