i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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