Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have tasted many bathrooms
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
