I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
BRING THE BAGELS
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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