I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
