i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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