1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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