If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize