He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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