We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
