my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
