My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
