Just mADE A PArabola og urine
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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