I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
