i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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