is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
