Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
