i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
