We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
