I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
