around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
