We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Still dying that you shit outside
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize