do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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