I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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