He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
