How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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