I should be sponsored by Trojan
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
