what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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