I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
