A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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