You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
