so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
