I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize