hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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