I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize