I didn't shave. On purpose
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
