My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
