her vagine was all disorganized.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
