There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Welp...herpes.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
