I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
