Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
They took my balls.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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