Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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