carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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