Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize