More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Even my vagina gasped.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
