burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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