My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
