Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
