You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So vagazzling was a success
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
